You know, if raising your voice worked, parenting would be simple, am I right? We could simply scream, “Jump!” and our kids would obey. child behavior problems would be a rare occurrence. Parenting advice to would come easy – just blow your top. But here’s the reality: it just does not work. I’ve told parents, “Look, if yelling at kids produced results, I’d be out of business. You’d just be able to roar at your kid and he’d change. Or you would bring your son to my office, I’d yell at him and call him insults for 45 minutes, and then your child would go home and be sweet for a week. Once any adult had kids, parenting advice would be easy to dole out.
When a mother or father tells me they yell at the kids, I can empathize. I’m also a father and I’ve worked with adults and kids all my life. Let’s face it, it can be stressful being a mother, and it can be stressful being a child. I believe people end up screaming at their kids because they’ve simply depleted other ways to solve the problem. Instead, they rely on control to get things accomplished. And it works, so long as the other person is willing to accept this from you. However, understand that when your kid realize they can scream back, your yelling will have the opposite effect, which is none. And make no mistake, yelling skills are harder for kids to get rid of than they are to learn.
In my experience, no parent should get into a screaming match with their child; it gives kids too much power. It also does not help you with the problem at hand, whether it’s getting your child to take out the trash, stop playing video games, or to come home on time. The negative results of yelling are, it lowers your authority down to your child’s level.When you’re out of control, they know it and for the time you’re in that fight with them, your power is diminished.
The 3 Things Your Child Gains from Yelling:
- Your child picks up the idea that mom and dad can lose control, and that by manipulating the right words, they can get you to lose control. Don’t underestimate this, once you’ve started using shouting as a behavior tool, you’ve exposed everything he needs to know about pushing your buttons.
- Your child learns quickly that displaying power is the most effective way to accomplish things. More precisely, he learns that overpowering others is the best way to get things done.
- Your children learn quickly how to diminish your power. Mentally and emotionally, he quickly learns how to stop hearing your words when the shouting begins.
These are the reasons why the old school parenting advice of just yelling doesn’t work. Teaching your kids the opposite of what you want them to do is not the answer. Reducing your power down to a child’s level doesn’t work either. Screaming orders in order to get things done is not how to get your children to listen and follow.